Grinding 2

Slowly I’m chipping away at this.

My interactions are somehow better than before. I get into actual person to person conversations more often.

At the same time, sexual tension is harder to create than before. Often I feel like I’m asking for a favor. Not in what I say, but in the vibe. I think my approach to lay ratio is starting to get to me. I read and listened to some stuff by other guys… my ratio is not uniquely bad for a beginner.

Perhaps as another symptom of the same thing, approaching has become difficult. I skip a lot of opportunities. The reason seems to be a lack of entitlement, aka not feeling like I deserve to have that girl.

I feel disgusted at writing that. But it’s true.

In an attempt to break through this plateau, I tried increasing my approaching volume: I went for all girls who were physically good enough to have sex with once. It was not productive, the approaches became forced and weird. A bit like when I was starting 😀

*

Last week I was texting four hot girls at the same time. Somehow nothing came fromany of it. Two couldn’t make the time, one had a boyfriend, one wants us to meet in a group of her friends, in a bar, late at night (fuck that). The two with scheduling issues have expressed an interest in meeting next week, but you never know. Its many long days till then.

Today I got the number from some kind of gymnast woman. She wasn’t super pretty but she seemed to be in extremely good shape. The interaction was quite positive.

I don’t feel good about this shit at the moment. I do everything right, but this feeling of it not working out is shining through, making me sloppy when interacting with the girls. They sense that something is wrong.

Anyway.

It’s gonna be good. It just takes a lot of practice. A lot of practice takes a long time.

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Old demons rear their heads

When is the last time you saw a woman, decided you want her, and sprinted after her to catch her? Is that in your reality, or completely outside of it?

Just some food for thought 😉

This week has been ok. I approached some very attractive women and collected five leads… I have now texted two of them. We’ll see what happens. I’ll text the rest Monday or Tuesday.

I’ve been going out with a friend several times now. This has created a bizarre new problem… when I’m out with him, I can approach easily and my interactions can be appropriately energetic.

Now when I go out alone, it’s very hard to start approaching. When I do, it sometimes happens that there is very little energy or emotion in the interaction. Yesterday I think I walked around for forty minutes before doing anything… I didn’t approach before I saw an easy target. Even after that I skipped a ton of opportunities.

My brain has seen that it’s easier to do it when out with a friend, so now it wants that all the time and doesn’t want the hard sessions.

It’s a weird feeling. I conquered the issue of approaching a long time ago. It seemed like the excuses I made for not going up to a girl could never affect me again… but now it’s back. The rationalizations are so heavy, it’s like trying to push down a brick wall. This demonstrates again that you can’t just logically understand this and expect to be good at it 😊

*

I heard an analogy for daygame recently. Daygame is like the labor of Sisyphos. He had to push a boulder up the side of a mountain. Every time he was about to reach the top, the boulder would roll down to base of the mountain, and he had to start again. According to this analogy, daygame will never become an effortless thing. I embrace this. I love it. I will remember that when it seems like too much work.

The difference is of course that Sisyphos keeps pushing and pushing and never gets it done… but in daygame you keep pushing and pushing and the results will start to trickle in.

*

Well. It’s Sunday and I don’t have anything planned. After yesterday’s anxious wandering, going out and approaching seems like an enormous ordeal. I made a two-point plan.

When I see her,
1. if I come up with something good to say, I will go up and have that prepared.
2. if I can’t come up with anything, I will go up with an empty mind. My brain will come up with something! Girls are great.

Other than that, stuff I’m working on:
-Remembering to wait for her to start engaging, before doing something like asking for her number.
-Touching. Prolonged handshake, touching shoulders and elbows.
-Listening. Allowing it to become an actual conversation.

Back from the wild

I’ve been real quiet lately, and there’s a reason… the week before last I took a break. Then last week I was gonna get back to a routine, but I ended up going out only once. Life happened, things came up, I was going away both weekends before and after… that kind of thing.

I can’t complain though, this last weekend I went birdwatching and was able to identify three different birds that I consider difficult, and that I haven’t seen in over ten years. For those of you interested in the arts, they were grey plover (Pluvialis squatarola), bar-tailed godwit (Limosa lapponica) and red knot (Calidris canutus). In fact, the red knot I’ve never seen before. On top of that, I identified a female ruff (Calidris pugnax). Not a rare species around here, but she was alone. I’ve always sort of waited for a female to appear by herself, since she has a very inconspicuous appearance, and took a moment to identify without the company of males.

Tomorrow I’m going out, not for animal birds but sexy birds 🙂 My two new wingmen are planning on going as well. Butterflies in my stomach 🙂

Two dates (revised)

I posted this earlier but took it down. This is an edited version. I got a bit worried about the privacy of individuals involved.

*

Here’s a story. It begins with confusion and frustration, makes quite a twist, and ends in joy.

Last week I went on two dates, Tuesday and Wednesday. In some recent post I mentioned that I fucked up a date. That was Tuesday. She was very pretty, thin, intra-Finland exotic (from the north, less “flashy” and more down-to-earth behavior).

I met her and took her to my favorite first date venue. I commented on her height: she was a bit shorter than I remembered. This turned out to be a mistake…

In the bar I ended up talking a lot and it seemed like she wasn’t really that interested. I misread the situation pretty badly: her nonverbal signals communicated strong interest, a form of admiration even, but in her speech she was brief and, how to say, non-committal in some way. If I asked something, she gave an answer that could have been a quote from a scientific paper. She only stated what could be known for sure and nothing more 😀

This made me feel like I had made a strong first impression, but the more she could see of me, the more she lost interest. As if it was slowly revealed to her that I’m not at all what she first thought. It affected me a little bit. It shouldn’t, but it did.

All the time the real problem was that she was actually just not a very talkative person, and needed large amounts of space in the conversation to feel comfortable participating. More space than I could guess in that moment. This I would find out later.

After 25 min or so I thought ok, let’s just do something different. I asked her to stand up. I didn’t really know where I was going with it, but last time I was here on a date, I stood up with a girl and we had an electric moment standing close to each other. Bad move, she just got tenser. I said something about her height again, attempting to create an excuse to stand a little bit closer. She pulled away and started touching her purse as an indication that we should now finish the date.

What the fuck, I thought. Well fuck it then. Nothing I do is ever good enough.

Yeah. I had these thoughts.

We went separate ways. Later that night she sent me a text saying she felt inadequate, confused and hurt.

WHAT THE FUCK? I was feeling inadequate. Now SHE is complaining to ME???

I realize I was operating on a very childish level here. I guess we all have these kinds of feelings sometimes. I said I would be honest in this blog. I’m not proud of feeling these ways, but that evening, these were my thoughts.

A brief texting exchange followed. The reason she was hurt was that I commented on her height twice, and did not give her enough space to talk.

It was a very bizarre experience to have this conversation after thinking I had somehow failed to reach the finish line. I apologized to her for making it an unpleasant experience… whether or not any party was at fault is another matter but it just seemed like good karma.

It is true that on the date I should have opened my eyes more, read the situation with greater care and kept my mind open to different possible reasons for her reserved behavior. Like I said, her body language was telling the truth. And maybe I shouldn’t have commented on her height a second time 😀

*

I took a moment to allow my brain to reorganize everything. I thought she was just losing interest because I was somehow not good enough for her, whereas in reality, she was hurt because I didn’t listen to her. A pretty massive shift in my understanding of the situation.

The next evening I had another first date. I took her to the same bar. As a true student of game, I now corrected my behavior. I was more relaxed and super “soft” in everything I did: how I moved, how I talked, and especially in how I shut up and looked away frequently to give her space to talk. That doesn’t mean I didn’t touch her or throw in some dirty jokes. But a little goes a long way with that stuff. Afterwards we went on a walk and had a nice, warm hug.

As a consequence of my better understanding of the process of the first date, she texted me some days later and invited me over. Other factors may have contributed as well. We set the date for the weekend and met at her place. There was no hurry. We had some wine and went for a walk. The summer night was warm and windy. I put her hand on my dick.

We went back to her place and made it happen. I like her. Her spirit is soft in a way that matches me perfectly. But I admit, after all this Herculean effort, trial and error, there was a moment, as I was fucking her, that I thought to myself: number 2.

And this was, once again, a pure daygame lay. Last time it happened I met and smashed the girl on the same day. There was a kind of travel-adventure-vibe, because she was visiting from another city. This time, it was the opposite… we live in the same city and went on an actual date. No common friends, no running into each other at shared interest -related activities… just me going up to a stranger when she least expected it 😊

 

Stats, 4.8.2018:

Approaches: 322
Instant dates: 9
Contact info: 56
First dates: 5
Lays: 2