I posted this earlier but took it down. This is an edited version. I got a bit worried about the privacy of individuals involved.
Here’s a story. It begins with confusion and frustration, makes quite a twist, and ends in joy.
Last week I went on two dates, Tuesday and Wednesday. In some recent post I mentioned that I fucked up a date. That was Tuesday. She was very pretty, thin, intra-Finland exotic (from the north, less “flashy” and more down-to-earth behavior).
I met her and took her to my favorite first date venue. I commented on her height: she was a bit shorter than I remembered. This turned out to be a mistake…
In the bar I ended up talking a lot and it seemed like she wasn’t really that interested. I misread the situation pretty badly: her nonverbal signals communicated strong interest, a form of admiration even, but in her speech she was brief and, how to say, non-committal in some way. If I asked something, she gave an answer that could have been a quote from a scientific paper. She only stated what could be known for sure and nothing more 😀
This made me feel like I had made a strong first impression, but the more she could see of me, the more she lost interest. As if it was slowly revealed to her that I’m not at all what she first thought. It affected me a little bit. It shouldn’t, but it did.
All the time the real problem was that she was actually just not a very talkative person, and needed large amounts of space in the conversation to feel comfortable participating. More space than I could guess in that moment. This I would find out later.
After 25 min or so I thought ok, let’s just do something different. I asked her to stand up. I didn’t really know where I was going with it, but last time I was here on a date, I stood up with a girl and we had an electric moment standing close to each other. Bad move, she just got tenser. I said something about her height again, attempting to create an excuse to stand a little bit closer. She pulled away and started touching her purse as an indication that we should now finish the date.
What the fuck, I thought. Well fuck it then. Nothing I do is ever good enough.
Yeah. I had these thoughts.
We went separate ways. Later that night she sent me a text saying she felt inadequate, confused and hurt.
WHAT THE FUCK? I was feeling inadequate. Now SHE is complaining to ME???
I realize I was operating on a very childish level here. I guess we all have these kinds of feelings sometimes. I said I would be honest in this blog. I’m not proud of feeling these ways, but that evening, these were my thoughts.
A brief texting exchange followed. The reason she was hurt was that I commented on her height twice, and did not give her enough space to talk.
It was a very bizarre experience to have this conversation after thinking I had somehow failed to reach the finish line. I apologized to her for making it an unpleasant experience… whether or not any party was at fault is another matter but it just seemed like good karma.
It is true that on the date I should have opened my eyes more, read the situation with greater care and kept my mind open to different possible reasons for her reserved behavior. Like I said, her body language was telling the truth. And maybe I shouldn’t have commented on her height a second time 😀
I took a moment to allow my brain to reorganize everything. I thought she was just losing interest because I was somehow not good enough for her, whereas in reality, she was hurt because I didn’t listen to her. A pretty massive shift in my understanding of the situation.
The next evening I had another first date. I took her to the same bar. As a true student of game, I now corrected my behavior. I was more relaxed and super “soft” in everything I did: how I moved, how I talked, and especially in how I shut up and looked away frequently to give her space to talk. That doesn’t mean I didn’t touch her or throw in some dirty jokes. But a little goes a long way with that stuff. Afterwards we went on a walk and had a nice, warm hug.
As a consequence of my better understanding of the process of the first date, she texted me some days later and invited me over. Other factors may have contributed as well. We set the date for the weekend and met at her place. There was no hurry. We had some wine and went for a walk. The summer night was warm and windy. I put her hand on my dick.
We went back to her place and made it happen. I like her. Her spirit is soft in a way that matches me perfectly. But I admit, after all this Herculean effort, trial and error, there was a moment, as I was fucking her, that I thought to myself: number 2.
And this was, once again, a pure daygame lay. Last time it happened I met and smashed the girl on the same day. There was a kind of travel-adventure-vibe, because she was visiting from another city. This time, it was the opposite… we live in the same city and went on an actual date. No common friends, no running into each other at shared interest -related activities… just me going up to a stranger when she least expected it 😊
Instant dates: 9
Contact info: 56
First dates: 5